we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
