Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We have started to decorate penises.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
