i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
