He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A bitchslap is in order.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
