areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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