I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
