Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
