First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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