Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
