Is it because I queefed?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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