I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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