can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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