She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
