I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This house was built for laser tag.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize