Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
