If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
