Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i've created a new STD.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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