I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
