Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
