ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
