Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
