She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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