I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
