what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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