He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
