I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
