You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
