You're a womanizer and a bitch.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
