She's JV to your varsity
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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