i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
