he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
