she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
