Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
