why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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