im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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