"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So much rum. So many feels.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize