okay pat passed out under dana's car
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
