i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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