Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
