is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
