i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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