SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
