Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
