Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
