I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
