He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How external is "for external use only"?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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