My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
