Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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