bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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