Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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