The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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