they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
