I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
