I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
