Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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