You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
