Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
