Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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