he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
