i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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