I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
