shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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