So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
