She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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