Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
