All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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