i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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