she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He better not be in your backpack
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
