Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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