call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
