it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
