I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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