He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
